It was the same nightmare… But this one was different; it felt genuine… I was walking aimlessly… It was extremely dark. Someone familiar took my hand… She was the same child from my previous dream; she is pale, with long thick black hair pulled back in a fishtail braid and dressed in a white satin gown.

Where are we going?” I enquire, and she did not respond, instead pointing outside. Then it became extremely cold… Then there’s a strong gust of wind… Then I found myself standing outside a castle, everything covered in heavy snow.

There was a thin child with unkempt hair as black as midnight, she is small and fragile, with dried cracked lips and bruises all over her small body, but she appears to be having fun building a snowman. But her face is so familiar to me that I can’t say anything. There was no voice coming out…

Then a middle-aged woman, tall, slender, and pale with golden blond hair, appears and yells ” Philippa!! ” as she smacks the poor child, and I realise that little girl was none other than Philippa herself, it is her childhood. I was astounded by how she was treated. Who is this lady?

“I told you not to go outside!! Are you going to humiliate me!” she yells at her.

“I-i am sorry, m-mother.. I was just… wanted to play,” she sobbed, her voice weak.

“Play?! do you know we have a visitor! and yet you dare to disobey me!” she snarled as she grabbed Philippa by the hair as she screamed in pain and fear, I tried to run and stop her but I couldn’t move as if paralysed.

Then I found myself in a room with scattered broken toys, a children’s bedroom, and Little Philippa playing in the corner with a broken doll. she was humming as she continue playing then the door opens a black haired boy, came in with a sinister smile on his face.

Philippa cowered in fear as she looked at him, “b-brother…” without saying anything, he quickly approached her, grabbed her doll, and broke it in front of her, “p-please stop!! ” she pleaded.

“Mother told me you disobeyed her… this is your punishment,” he said coldly

She stood up and attempted to reclaim her doll, but she was pushed down, and her mother appeared at the door. “Bohemond… dear, please finish your playing, I need to go somewhere,” their mother said coldly.

I witnessed them abusing and torturing her repeatedly, but there is nothing I can do… I felt the excruciating pain as the lashes touched her weak body, it hurt and burned, and I began to cry as I felt her pain and agony. It was just too much to bear… Her scream echoed until she had nothing left… Her mother and brother despised her for no apparent reason. It was unjust.

Then a sudden urge from Philippa’s memory returned, making it difficult to breathe as the pain caused me to throw up and kneel to the ground.

Then her mother appeared in front of me, looking down at me with a horrifying grin on her face.

Baldwin POV:

It was a quiet night, and after accompanying Lady Philippa to her room earlier, I decided to finish another task. However, time flew by and I noticed it was already dawn when Aimery arrived to inform me that it was time for me to rest.

I decided to call it a day and he accompanied me back to my bedroom chamber, passing by Philippa’s bedroom

“Your Majesty, is everything all right?” Aimery inquired as I approached her bedroom door.

“nothing” as I continued walking, it was awfully quiet until I heard Lady Philippa scream in agony, at which point I dashed to her bedroom chamber, followed by aimery behind me.

when I opened her bedroom chamber I was stunned to see her in her state.

The once proud and courageous lady cowered in terror, weeping and hiding behind her bedroom table… She was shanking…I saw her vulnerability for the first time.

“My lady… what happened?” I inquire as I approach her.

“Please… stay backkk…” she begged.

Aimery looked around, but there was no sign of an intruder, so I looked at him and motioned for him to leave, which he did.

“It’s fine… could you please tell me what happened?” I gently kneel down.

“I-iam scared,” she sobbed as she continued to cry.

“Of what?” I inquired.

“I had a bad dream… it’s all coming back… and it scares me,” she said, wiping away her tears.

She must have dreamed that horrible man who tried to hurt her “it’s ok… everything will be fine.. trust me… here take my hand..” as I extended my hand…

She reluctantly reaches for my hand and I assist her in standing up, but she was frail as she was about to stumble, so I held her to keep her from falling. She is still trembling, so I decided to carry her to her bed, she was as light as a feather.

I tucked her into bed and wrapped her in a blanket to keep her warm. I asked, “Would you like to talk about it?” She quietly shakes her head.

She must be terrified, and I can’t stand watching her like this, even though I’ve already killed that man; her harrowing experience will not go away, and I’m partly to blame. I reflected.

“I promised you that whatever you saw was just a nightmare; it’s not real,” I reassure her.

“It’s real,” she said, trying not to cry, “it’s a painful memory…the abuse I’ve been through…” she added.

It broke my heart to see her in pain. “Listen to me, he will not hurt you again,” I said as I clasped her hands.

finally she calm down, and was prepare to go back to sleep again. “Sleep well… if you need anything, call me,” I said as I stood up and prepared to leave when she reached for my robe.

“Please don’t leave,” she begged.

“I – I don’t want to be left alone… I’m afraid,” she said as I looked at her.

“My lady…” I said, worriedly looking at her.

“Please,” she begged. “Can you stay by my side until I fall asleep?” she asked.

“Alright… I’ll stay until you fall asleep,” I say.

I sat beside her as she tried to sleep.

“Baldwin,” she says as she lies on her side and looks at me.

“yes ” I asked

“You can remove your mask ” she suggested.

“Why?” I asked

“so that you can be at ease… Your wound has already begun to heal. ” she said as she closed her eyes slowly.

“A-alright,” I thought, it appears that I can’t refuse her request. as I took off my silver mask

“Can I hold your hand? It’ll help me sleep,” she inquired.

I gave her my hand without saying anything, and she held it as she fell asleep.

“You’re very warm,” she murmurs, her tears still forming on her lashes.

“Trust me, I’ll be right here the whole time,” I reassured her as I gently patted her head.

The morning dawn passed as Baldwin was unaware that he had also fallen asleep beside Lady Philippa, as she slowly cuddled into his chest, accepted her embrace, and cuddled her back, and both fell deeply asleep.

As soon as the sun rises, Emma, Lady Philippa’s handmaid, begins her day by preparing her lady’s clean water to wash her face and dress for the day, as well as a hot cup of tea and bread. As soon as she opened Lady Philippa’s bedroom door, she cheerfully greeted the sleeping lady, “it is such a wonderful day my lady, I think we should…” as she opened the bed curtain, she was stunned and blushed to see King Baldwin sleeping in the bed and Lady Philippa sleeping at his arms.

“oh…Good lord…” she mumbled as she took a step back and slowly closed the door.

William of Tyre had just arrived in Jerusalem at the same time and day, bearing bad news for Lady Philippa and King Baldwin. After dismounting his horse and being greeted by Aimery, he entered the castle, followed by Aimery, and went straight to Lady Philippa’s bedroom chamber. As soon as he walked in, he noticed Emma, who was tense and flushed, walking back and forth in the corridors.

“Emma,” he said with a frown.

“My lord,” she quickly bows.

“Does Lady Philippa happen to be awake?” he inquired.

“Well.. t-the lady is.. ” she starts stuttering

“What? I need to speak with her immediately,” he said.

“Well, my lord, she is with…” she stutters again.

Never mind, I see her myself,” he says as he gently pushes Emma out of the way and proceed to the lady’s bedroom.

“My lord… waittt…” Emma said as she hurriedly followed William.

Philippa POV

I opened my eyes as soon as the sun touched my face, my head still ached from crying, it was an unpleasant feeling, as I toss around my bed, I was surprised to see Baldwin sleeping beside me, I gasped as soon as I saw him beside me that I couldn’t move. 

“Oh my gosh! What is he doing here?!” I exclaimed softly.

 He was about to open his eyes when I heard him moan and move. I pretended to sleep again by closing my eyes.

Baldwin POV:

When Lady Philippa began to move and toss, I opened my eyes and woke up. I decided not to wake her up because she was still sleeping soundly. I didn’t realise I’d fallen asleep while trying to help her sleep.

I carefully removed my hand from her head and lean on her to gently place a pillow under her head; she was truly like an angel, I thought to myself as I looked at her sleep, caressing her soft pink cheeks, but my fingers ran to her soft lips.

What exactly am I doing… I can’t touch her because I’m a leper… I thought to myself, and then her brows twitched, indicating she is awake; she is truly adorable, and her facial expressions really amuse me; she is unlike any other lady; she is truly unpredictable, as I smile and watch her pretending to sleep.

“I know you’re awake, my lady,” I say softly in her ears as I lean in close.

She opened her eyes, sat up, and covered herself with a blanket… “g-good morning, your highness,” she said.

“Did you sleep well?” I inquired.

“Y-yes,” she replied shyly.

“That’s great to hear,” I say.

“h-how? I mean, what happened?” she inquired.

“Do you not remember?” I inquired.

“Well… umm… it was a blur,” she admitted.

“You were having a nightmare,” I explain, “and luckily I was on my way back to my chamber when I heard you.”

Philippa POV:

I gasped, “Oh my God!” and it’s all coming back to me now.

I recall everything, including the fact that I formally invited him to stay with me… Oh my goodness!!! I cried like a baby in front of him! So it wasn’t a nightmare after all! I reflected.

“My lady?” he inquired, concerned.

“M-my King… how uncouth of me to ask you to stay… I am truly sorry… this is so embarrassing…” I hid under my blanket.

Baldwin chuckled, “there is no need to be embarrassed, my lady… ” he explained, “I should apologise, I should have left when you fell asleep, but I was too tired.”

“Well… I still invited you to stay, which a noble lady should not do,” I explained beneath the blanket.

“I told you… it’s alright,” he said as he peered inside the blanket, our eyes met, and there was a moment of silence as I looked deeply into his blue eyes, drawn to each other as he leans closer to my lips and I slowly closes my eyes…

When Sir William, along with Aimery and Emma, barged into my bedroom chamber, he was taken aback to find his highness in bed with me, leaning closer to me without his mask and me wearing nothing but my nightgown. They were completely taken aback when they saw both of us in bed.

“I’m sorry, my lady. I tried to stop him,” Emma apologised.

“W-what is going on?” William asked as Baldwin took a step back from me.

We both looked at William, and I sat properly, saying, “n-nothing…”

“you call this nothing? why are you in bed with his majesty? clearly in your night gown?” he exclaimed, “d- did you two sleep together?”

“Yes,” Baldwin said, “no,” I said, as we answered in unison, that William was more perplexed.

“What?” he inquired.

“It’s a yes and a no,” I explained, “yes.. king Baldwin did sleep here with me last night,” and I looked at Baldwin, “and it’s not what it looks like,” I added.

“Do you mind explaining what happened earlier?” he inquired.

“Let me explain,” Baldwin said to William, but I interrupted, saying, “No, I will explain.”

“Aimery, Emma… could you please step outside for a moment?” Willian asked.

Both Aimery and Emma obeyed William’s order and left, and as soon as they did, he turned to me and asked, “now explained?”

“I was having a nightmare and I was scared… and because Emma was already asleep, I couldn’t call for her in her chamber because I was afraid to get up, but luckily his majesty heard me and I asked him to stay until I fell asleep and that was it,” I explained.

“Do you expect me to believe it?” asked William.

“Yes… really… nothing happened, we just slept together and that’s all,” I explained.

“My lady, as your godfather, I believe you and am concerned; however, other people will not believe you, and it is not proper for an unmarried lady to sleep with a man out of wedlock; what do you think the people will say to you?” he said.

“no offence, your highness, but this also applies to you; I’m just looking out for the both of you… you know how people think if they find out.”

“This is a headache,” William sighed as he reached for his brow, “but the reason I’m here is to let you know that Prince Bohemond will visit you.”

“he will?” I inquired.

“Yes… and I have a feeling this isn’t going to end well,” William admitted.

What does Bohemond want? ” Baldwin inquired as he approached William.

“Certainly, he just wanted to check on her young sister, but he always causes trouble for you sire,” William explains.

“I think I should be ready for his visit then… the last time he came here, he demanded my sister’s hand in marriage to one of his allies, and it was well planned,” Baldwin said.

“What do you mean?” I inquired.

“Your brother once threatened me that if I did not marry Sibylla off to one of his allies, he would get the throne because I am unfit to rule,” Baldwin explained, “but I did manage to pursued the House of seven dukes to help me and minimise Bohemond’s rise of power over the other nobles, and after his failed plan, he waged a cold war with me and refused to let his knight or him join the crusades to fight with Saladin

“But even though you were outnumbered by Saladin’s armies, you still won the war; it just goes to show that you are more capable of ruling as a king than he is,” I smiled to Baldwin.

He gave me a gentle smile and said, “Thank you, my lady.”

“Ahem,” William coughs as he looks at us, “but we still need to prepare for his arrival,” he says.

“I hate to interrupt my lords,” aimery said as he entered my bedroom chamber, “but your majesty, we have an important meeting with the house of dukes.”

“Well, I need to get going now,” Baldwin said, “see you later,” he said as he bid me farewell.

In response, I smiled and nodded at him.

“William,” Baldwin said, patting William’s shoulder.

“I’ll talk to you later, your highness,” William said.

I was left with William and Emma after Baldwin and Aimery had left. As I stood up from my bed, Emma placed a shoal on my shoulder.

“Do you recall how my mother and brother used to treat me?” I inquired.

“What do you mean?” William inquired.

“I think I just remembered something horrible,” I said.

” I actually wanted to see my brother, too.. I need to talk to him… as you can see, I have some of my memory back,” I said to William.

“What?” he exclaimed. “When did you get your memory back?” he inquired.

“Well, not entirely; I can only recall my childhood memories, which are dreadful,” I explained.

“Your mother, Princess Constance of Antioch, was a doting mother to her children, especially your brother, Prince Bohemond, but she is also a very cruel woman,” William said.

“Why do you say that?” I inquired.

“Well, let me just say that I am not particularly fond of your mother… but she is dedicated to raising her children after your father died; she returned to Antioch and raised you all alone until she remarried.” as I quietly listen to William

“I know they’re not good people, Philippa…they’re not perfect, but they’re still your family,” William said.

“I wish I could say it.”

“Tell me… you mentioned your memory partially returning, what do you remember?” he inquired.

“I’ll tell you soon, but not today; I need to confirm something,” I said “And do me a favour… please don’t tell Baldwin anything, I don’t want him to be worried,” I added

“As you wish,” he said, “but I still want to know what happened to you and Baldwin.”

“I told you… nothing happened,” I said with a smile.

“Well.. I believe you child, but society will not… once this gets out, they will be throwing stones at you two… you know how valuable a Chasity is for a noble lady,” William said, concerned.

“I understand…and I will keep that in mind… Thank you,” I say.

“Well, then… I’ll be leaving right now,” he said.

After William had left, I got myself ready for the day by eating breakfast, going straight to my work room, and focusing on making new medicine, but I occasionally get terrible headaches. I couldn’t concentrate because I kept remembering that dream, and I didn’t notice Abu sneaking behind me, “my lady,” he said. I was so surprised by his sudden call that I almost yelled, “my god! don’t do that!”

“I apologise, my lady,” Abu said.

“I almost threw you this medicine,” I said as I returned to work.

“Is everything all right, my lady?” he inquired.

In regards to what happened last night, the nightmares and my memory suddenly returned; only William was aware of it, and I prefer to keep it that way…

“Yes, everything is fine,” I said.

“You look pale,” he commented.

“I’m just tired, but I’m fine,” I respond quickly.

“hey.. I heard his majesty slept in your chamber last night..” Abu said, a naughty smile on his face.

“What? Where did you hear that?” I inquired, my eyebrows raised.

“Emma told me,” he explained.

“Emma,” I rolled my eyes… “Yes, he did,” I replied as I sighed.

He continued to be curious, “and?”

“Nothing happened,” I stated emphatically.

“Really? Nothing happened?” he asked, “but that is unbelievable and sad.”

“How so?” I inquired.

“Well, first and foremost, you are extremely attractive, and any man would want to spend the night with you,” Abu explained.

“really? the king isn’t that kind of person, he’s a respectable man and gentleman,” I countered.

“So that means he’s not attracted to you?” Abu asked.

“Abu, you know what, just go back to work,” I said in response to his words, which made my heart hurt.

“or… because he’s a leper, he can’t get sexually aroused? that’s what I’ve heard…” he continues.

“That is not true… leprosy has no effect on sexual health, and some lepers can still procreate and have children on their own,” I explained.

“Really? Does that mean they can’t spread it to their partners?” he inquired.

“It is not a sexually transmitted disease, so it is not,” I explained.

“Oh… so that means he’s not sexually attracted to you,” he replied.

I rolled my eyes in annoyance, saying, “Shut it… just focus on your work.”

Is it true… that he has no interest in me? Is that why he didn’t make a move last night? … I thought to myself, but brushed it off and returned to work.